I had to let go

In my past, I had met an extremely wonderful lady, her first name is Maria, we had until recently had a what I call a fantastic relationship that developed totally in an innocent way, for that I will always be grateful.

I had been married twice and I was a walking wounded, when I first met her we became friends and kept in contact by email as friends. I had explained to her that my 2nd marriage had made me gun shy even of dating. My 2nd ex wife is a total piece of work, she is great at playing the constant victim card when it is she who creates victims by her actions. I practically bent myself into a pretzel trying to save the marriage but in the end it was all just a show on her part, her words were the marriage was a means to get the end result.

Maria is my true life love that I discovered by accident, we had our ups and downs but we worked them out and the relationship was built on a solid foundation of love and trust.

Last year something had happened and she disappeared and I waited patiently for her, when she did respond she had asked that we take a break from each other, I was leery but I told her anything for her. Eventually the contact had become sporadic on her part, so I am giving her, from indications that she wants her freedom to do as she wants, so I am giving her that freedom.

I have no idea as to what she is doing, at all but I do and will always love her for she was the only woman to repair my heart and heal it with her unconditional love on her part.

Maria, you have my heart may I have it back so that I can move on because even though we love each other for the right reasons but something is holding you back now, and I would rather you be happy pursuing the dreams you have, even though I am no longer part of those dreams.

You have your freedom now Maria……

Father’s Day

Father’s Day evokes memories for everyone may they be good memories and or very bad ones. Had a discussion its an acquaintance and in his words he was breaking one of the Ten Commandments by not honoring his father do to his anger of how and what his father did to him growing up.

After hearing his story, I told him there are many ways of honoring the commandment of honor thy parents. I told him that I honor my mother for giving birth to me, but thats as far as it goes, do I love her, yes but that is as far as it will go for me.

There are people who honor their parents just out of convenience and for show, those are the ones who do so, because it is expected of them. Then you have the ones who do it out of expectation only(when the parents die, they expect to get everything). Then you have the ones who do so out of resentment. The one who does so solely out of love, or hate.

I told him that he could honor his father just for helping create him as a baby, and let it go at that, and he wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.

I have two daughters who are respectively 30 and 29, and a grand daughter who is 9 years old. I felt that I had a great relationship with both daughters but in the last two years, I found out a somewhat different story. My oldest daughter I tend to have a very good relationship with and keep in conctact with her and my grand daughter. My youngest daughter on the other hand due to influence to an older adult female has wrecked the relationship completely.

I have not had any contact with her for 19 months now, it is her choice and I respect it fully, I will not go out of my way to push anything but let her decide what she wants, I never let her sexuality determine our father/daughter relationship, she is who she is and I love her for who she is and what she has accomplished.

I will get a call from my oldest and my grand daughter next weekend to wish me happy Father’s Day. It will be a bittersweet Father’s Day since it will be the 2nd one in a row that I have not heard from my youngest daughter. I have no idea as to why she has cut off contact but its her choice, and I will honor her wishes of no contact.

Happy Father’s Day to those who are fathers, may the choices you have made are for the right reasons when raising your children.

For those who have fathers, and are estranged with them, bring it down to the basic and simple reason to honor your father, he helped give you life, what you do with your life is up to yourself not him.

For the most part for those that are fathers, from the child being a newborn to age 20 have to make many decisions that will make the child angry or happy. I wish to say to those persons, your father had to make decisions based on what he felt was right, even if it was wrong later on. Fathers are not perfect saints we make mistakes, I know because I am far from perfect, I had to make decisions for both my daughters, on one solid basic foundation, I was never their best friend but their father parent first.

A father will make many decisions the child will totally disagree with, that is normal. Father makes decisions based on being a parent not the best buddy, having a parent who is more interested in being the BFF does more harm than good.